


Mack and Lela's Excellent Adventure

by Merlin Missy (mtgat)



Category: Teen Beach Movie (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Genre Twist, F/F, Femslash Festivus, Misses Clause Challenge, Past Mack/Brady, Post Movie: Teen Beach 2, Pulled Into a Fictional World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21801580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtgat/pseuds/Merlin%20Missy
Summary: Mack and Lela fall into and travel through the plots of various movies trying to find their way home.
Relationships: Lela/McKenzie (Teen Beach Movie)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 64
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Mack and Lela's Excellent Adventure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Metal_Chocobo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Metal_Chocobo/gifts).



Mack broke up with Brady at the start of her last summer home, though "broke up" was a relative term; they'd never officially started dating to begin with. Brady had been fun to hang out with and surf with, and he had great taste in movies, but something was always off. Whenever she'd spent time with him, Mack's heart gave a sad squeeze not unlike the distant grief she felt when she thought about Mom. Brady was her friend, but every time she'd looked at him she'd felt an indescribable sense of loss she couldn't explain.

Alyssa gave her a hug when Mack told her the news. "Any time you want to talk, I'm here."

Mack spent the summer surfing and setting up the house to account for her absence. Grandpa had never lived alone. He'd always tried his best, especially when it was just the two of them after Mom died, but he had trouble planning past the end of the week, and on bad days, past the end of a joint. When Mack had been twelve, they'd spent an entire summer eating nothing but beans and whatever spotty fruit he could buy twenty for a dollar. She was eighteen now, and Mack researched grocery delivery services and set up autopay on the regular bills.

"Iowa?" he asked her, not for the first time. "But that's so far."

"They have a fantastic program," Mack explain patiently again. "And I got that scholarship."

"Right. The scholarship."

The truth was, Mack had been offered a number of scholarships to colleges all over the country. Aunt Antoinette never missed a chance to point out Mack might have gotten better offers from more prestigious universities if she'd gone to the preparatory school like she should have, but there wasn't much her aunt could say against a full ride in a program Mack wanted.

And it was far from the ocean.

Mack's brain stalled out when she remembered that. She'd always loved the water. She loved falling asleep to the crash of the waves outside. She loved the heart-racing thrill of finding the perfect wave, and when she rode her board, she felt like she was flying. She told herself it would do her some good to live somewhere different for a while. She could go to grad school in Arizona, or study abroad in Norway, and really see the world. She loved the ocean, but it made her sad in ways she couldn't describe, the same way Brady had made her sad. The ocean meant loss.

She tried expressing this to Alyssa one night, as they ate soft-serve in the DQ parking lot.

"Did someone you know drown?" Alyssa asked before catching a stray line of melting ice cream on the side of her cone with her tongue.

"No." She watched Alyssa eat, uncomfortable as her friend nibbled and licked at her quickly-liquifying treat. She cleared her throat. "I don't know why. It started a couple of years ago, right after I decided to stay here instead of going off to school."

"Mm," said Alyssa. "Then it's probably some psychological thing. Part of you regrets staying here to surf when you could have been planning for your future."

"Maybe," Mack said, and she didn't bring it up again.

***

Her roommate Claire had never been away from the Midwest except for one trip to Disney World when she'd been seven. "You really used to surf every day?"

"Pretty much," Mack said. "I did have school and chores, too, but I surfed every day when I could."

She missed surfing, and missed Grandpa, and missed something else. She'd thought it was Brady but when she broke down and Skyped him one night, she knew that wasn't it at all.

The college offered movie nights for free every Friday. "It keeps us from going out to the bars and getting in trouble," Claire said. "That's what the RA told me."

"Right, because no one ever got in trouble at a movie." Mack existed thanks to her mother getting bored in the middle of a movie date.

"It'll be fun!" Claire coaxed her into going, and Mack had to admit she had a good time. The Social Club offered free popcorn to go with the free movie, and even though she'd seen this flick already, she appreciated the plot more this time around.

"It's no 'Lela, Queen of the Beach,'" Mack said as they walked back to their dorm.

"I love that one!" Claire squealed. "My mom watched it a million times when I was a kid."

"Mine too," Mack said, and she knew it was true. Like some weird soap bubble, a memory popped into her mind full-blown and weirdly fresh as though she'd never once thought of it until this moment: herself and Mom on the couch at their own place, cuddled together under a throw blanket, and Mom singing along with the movie. She'd had a beautiful voice, Mack remembered. She remembered how much she'd wanted a pink jacket just like Lela's. Mom had found one at Goodwill and studded Mack's name on the back for her fifth birthday.

Claire brought her back to the present with, "We should have our own movie night!"

"We did that once back home. We threw a Save the Beach party, and watched the movie on a big screen."

Claire squealed again, and Mack accepted the fact that her roommate best communicated at a pitch that could only be heard by dolphins.

***

Even in the Midwest, ponds and lakes dotted the landscape. Mack always walked by the small lake on campus for her once a week Lit class. She couldn't surf a lake, and she never felt sad watching the gently rippling waters.

One night after class, she stayed to go over her idea for her next paper with the prof, a woman with flying gray hair who reminded her in the best ways of her Grandpa. "I'll be interested to see how you handle the topic, McKenzie," she said, gathering her own things. "It's getting dark. Do you need a ride back to the dorm quad?"

"I'll walk, but thanks." Mack had never feared walking around at night back home, but here the RAs here gave regular presentations on staying safe after dark.

"If you're sure," said her prof, who didn't sound sure.

"I'll see you next week." Mack shouldered her bag and went outside. She took her usual path by the lake, thinking over her paper and not paying much attention, when the light posts all suddenly clicked on with an actinic POP, startling her with a shock of orange light in her eyes. As she blinked to clear her vision, she noticed something half in the water at the edge of the lake.

Investigating, Mack found a pretty necklace. She picked it up, noting the familiar tropical flower design. She couldn't place where she'd seen the pattern before. Was this Claire's necklace? Whoever had dropped it would want it back. Mack put the necklace in her pocket. She could tell one of the RAs and they could find the owner.

***

"But you have to stay and watch!" said Claire. "It's 'Lela, Queen of the Beach!'" She'd torrented the movie last week, and they'd made plans to watch with some of the other girls on their floor. Disappointment clouded her face.

"I know, but I have to study." She affixed the clasp to her necklace and checked how she looked in the room's small mirror. Mack hadn't found the owner of the necklace. Claire had never seen it before, and no one had responded to the flyer she'd posted by the dining hall. She'd started wearing the flower as a kind of good luck charm. She needed all the luck she could get on her calc exam tomorrow.

Knowing she'd get nothing done in her room while everyone piled in to see Mack's favorite movie, she grabbed her bag and headed for the library. The study rooms were full, leaving her to grab a table near the tiny Fiction section. She spread out her books and her jacket to declare this table was hers alone, then settled in to go over problems. She'd studied this all before, but high school hadn't prepared her for the level up in difficulty.

Her eyes glazed after solving the tenth limit equation. Her phone sat next to her on the table, and the school had free wifi. It wouldn't hurt to put in something to listen to while she worked, and she already knew what she wanted. She'd had "Beach Baby Don't Go" in her head all day. Soon, the opening number to "Lela, Queen of the Beach" played through her earbuds. Mack hummed along as she checked the answers in the back of her calc book to confirm she'd done everything right.

Time passed. The lights flickered overhead as the librarians hinted that they wanted to go home tonight. Mack checked the time at the bottom of her screen, and saw it was quarter to ten. She closed the calc book and stretched. She got up, heading towards the water cooler. She'd fill her bottle, then pack her stuff and go back to the dorm.

The library's decorative fountain sat to one side of the lobby, its centerpiece a silvery abstract sculpture dedicated to the inspiration of knowledge. When she wasn't using her laptop, Mack liked to study while sitting on the cool gray bricks at the edge. She walked by the fountain on her way to the water cooler, and let herself appreciate the calming splash of the ever-flowing water, leaning over a little to look in the rippling basin where the overhead lights made the water glitter.

A couple of jocks hurried out of the central library, running past her at full speed. One of them bumped her, shouting "Sorry!" over his shoulder as he kept on his way.

Mack kept her feet for a solid two seconds, but she was tired and already off-balance.

She fell in.

***

A second passed before her face broke the surface of the water. Mack was an excellent swimmer, a skill which did her no good in the one foot depth of a library fountain. She coughed, sputtering. "You jerk!" she shouted, or tried to shout. The words came out as a cough.

The light was a lot brighter in the library than it should have been. The moment the water streamed out of her eyes, she saw why.

This didn't make sense.

Not five seconds ago, Mack had been in a chrome-finished, metallic gray library lobby, with ceiling-high glass doors to one side and a slim, functional checkout desk with computer terminals against the far wall opposite the fountain. Across from her now, she saw clapboard buildings, unpainted and sun-faded. A dusty street ran between the structures lining the road. As she climbed to her feet, she wasn't in some artistic fountain, but instead stood in a half-barrel filled with warm water. Beside her, a horse was tied to a post. The horse gave her a sullen look and flicked its tail. For some reason, that was the detail that broke her. The water barrel, the old-time buildings, the road, all these were fine. But there was no way they'd let a horse into the library.

She was wearing a dress. The water dripping from her hair and clothes pattered the dust below her feet into mud.

Panic bubbled up in her throat. With an effort, Mack shoved it down. There had to be a logical explanation. She told herself this while she watched two men ride by on horseback. One of them said, "Yeehaw!"

She must have hit her head. Yes. That was it. The library was decorated with posters all over the walls displaying the covers of old books like new movies. She must have stared at the poster for a Louie L'Amour novel without seeing it while she was working. Right now, some kind librarian was pulling her from the water, and soon a good-looking EMT would run through the door and administer CPR.

"Mack?"

She turned, the bustle at the back of her skirt dragging in inertia as she spun. Calculate the moment of inertia of a woman wearing a three kilogram bustle, she thought, and giggled in rising hysteria. She hoped she hadn't been under the water long enough to suffer damage.

"Hey," said the stranger, and suddenly she wasn't a stranger, reaching forward to take Mack's arms and steady her.

Mack laughed out loud now. "Oh, of course. My Western dream has a crossover."

The star of her favorite movie, the one she'd had to miss due to homework, smiled back at her. "Do you like it? I went to see a cowboy movie once." Lela glanced down happily at her own outfit. She wore jeans and a red checked work shirt, with a matching kerchief tied at her neck. Other than the rather fetching cowboy hat, she didn't look much different from her regular movie incarnation.

Mack rubbed her head, and discovered she was wearing a bonnet. Bonnets were one step too far. She pulled it off and threw it to the ground.

"I need to wake up now," she said.

Lela looked at her quizzically. "You are awake. I brought you into a different movie. Well," she said with a self-deprecating grin, "I traveled to another movie and I hoped really hard you'd come here with me like you did before."

"What?" Nothing Lela was saying made any sense. "What do you mean like I did before?"

"Like when you came into 'Wet Side Story.'"

Mack shook her head, trying to clear it. "What's that?"

"That was the movie where we met. I changed it like you told me." She took Mack's hands. "You showed me there was more to life than getting a boy to like me. I made my movie better because of you."

That made no sense. Mack decided it was another brain spark. "Lela, Queen of the Beach" was her favorite film. Having Lela herself say Mack was instrumental in the development was a pleasant fantasy. Her hands holding Mack's felt real enough, and the growing hurt on her pretty face seemed plenty real, too.

Mack shook her head to clear the strange haze in her thoughts. It didn't matter. This was some hallucination she was having, and a very nice one despite the horses. She squeezed Lela's hands. "I've wanted to meet you my whole life." She looked down. "I didn't think I'd be in a schoolmarm dress when I did." She noticed she was still wearing the necklace she'd found. Odd detail to dream about, Mack thought.

Lela's laugh was even more delightful in this dream than it was on the screen. She made a goofy face. "You don't have to be in a dress if you don't want to, silly. This is our movie." She stepped away, keeping hold of one of Mack's hands, and spun her around like a scene from an old Ginger Rogers flick.

When the world stopped spinning, Mack wore old jeans and a blue chambray work shirt with slim but comfortable boots on her feet. Nice dream, she thought. "Thanks."

Lela grinned, and to Mack's surprise, kept hold of her hand as they walked. "I don't know the plot of this movie. Do you know it?"

Mack looked around them. "Stagecoach robbery maybe?"

"How exciting!" Lela reached her free hand to her hip, where a shiny pistol sat. She lifted it into her hand. "Hold still, varmint!"

Mack had a terrible feeling. She yanked the gun out of Lela's hand and tossed it into the water barrel. "No guns, okay?"

"Okay," Lela said agreeably. "I don't know what to do with a gun anyway. We never had them at the beach. Butchy always did his fight scene with his comb."

Mack didn't remember that scene from "Lela, Queen of the Beach." Butchy was Lela's brother in the movie, but Mack had never paid much attention to him.

Lela darted forward, pulling Mack along. "Look, there's a piano inside!" She pulled Mack into a dingy bar, drab and brown and dusty. Sure enough, some middle-aged guy, going bald under his bowler hat, was playing a tinny Western song on a piano that had seen better days.

Lela ignored the stares from the other bar patrons and went straight to the piano. "Wow. I've never seen one of these in person!"

Mack kept an eye on the others in the bar. A group of rowdy-appearing cowboys sat around a circular table playing poker. Others lingered in barstools, or chatted up the heavily-painted ladies standing on the stairs. The bartender looked at her then looked away quickly.

One of the cowboys at the table tossed down his cards and stood. He walked over to Mack. "You're strangers in town."

"Us?" Mack said, staring up at the tall, broad man. Maybe her subconscious was adding a role for one of the jocks who'd knocked her out. "We're just passing through. Right, Lela?"

"I want to see everything." Lela's eyes were closed as she listened to the song, entranced. Out of nowhere, she began to sing:

"The world is so amazing!  
Look at that bright blue sky!  
I want to experience every moment  
Don't even ask me why.  
Beyond the next horizon  
Mountains and caverns lie.  
I want to climb and see them all  
Don't even ask me why."

"Okay," Mack said, but it was too late. The cowboys had gotten up from their chairs, and the ladies of the mid-afternoon began to dance in synchronized choreography.

The big cowboy sang:

"I aint ever known a true love,  
No apple of my eye.  
I want to feel love's precious grip  
Don't even ask me why."

Mack took Lela's hand and tugged her out of the bar. "You just started singing?"

"Mack, life is always one moment away from a song. You only have to look." She stroked Mack's hair back from her face, then sang:

"You've been all I could think about  
So much that I could cry.  
I wanted to see you one more time  
Don't even ask me why."

Sincerity rang through every note. Mack wondered what this said about her own psyche.

"I'm not the singing type," she lied. Hadn't she learned to sing by belting out the songs from "Lela, Queen of the Beach" when she'd been a little girl?

"I love it when you sing."

Mack smirked. "Let me guess. You can hear me when I sing to the screen."

"No, we sang together when we knew each other. You came into my movie and became my best friend." She touched the necklace at Mack's throat, one finger stroking the strange flower. "Later, I came into your world to find you again. You don't remember anything?"

"I'd remember walking into 'Lela, Queen of the Beach.'"

"It wasn't that movie." Lela gasped, putting her hand to her mouth. "That's why you forgot! There was no 'Wet Side Story.' Nothing we did together happened for you." Sorrow passed over her face. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. This must be so strange for you."

She looked so sad. Mack felt awful. Lela had been her hero for her entire life, and something Mack had done, or not done, was making her disappointed. Her Psych 101 instructor would have said it had to do with Mom somehow, but he wasn't here, and his heart didn't ache at the pain in Lela's lovely blue-gray eyes.

"It is a little strange," Mack said, taking her hand again. "But strange is all right. I wish I could remember what you're talking about. It sounds like it was pretty important to you."

Lela nodded emphatically, and Mack saw she was pushing back tears. "It was. You were. Are."

Mack made a decision. She might be unconscious in the library, or being rushed in an ambulance to the medical center, but she couldn't do anything about that. She was in a weird dream with her lifelong idol. She may as well enjoy it.

She squeezed Lela's hand. "So, do you like cowboy movies? Tell me about this one."

Lela's face went bright. "I've only seen one cowboy movie, but it was so interesting! There were horses, and gunfights, and a lady nearly got run over by a train. There was all sorts of sand but no beach in sight!"

"Let's not get run over by any trains," Mack said. "And no guns. We could try riding horses." Mack had never been much into horses. When she'd been little, and living with Mom in the apartment, her next door neighbor Madison had been her best friend. Madison owned dozens of plastic ponies and horses, and spent every minute talking about them. Everything Mack knew about horses could be summed up from commercials and from memories of Madison. The horses here probably didn't come in pastel colors, and she was almost sure they couldn't fly. But this was her dream. Maybe they could.

A moment passed, and Mack was suddenly clinging to the reins of a horse which pounded the ground beneath her in a fast gallop. Mack swallowed her scream, ducking down and holding on for dear life.

"Giddy-up!" said Lela, coming up beside her on a palomino, excitement all over her face.

"We were just talking!" Mack shouted to her, the wind whipping her hair.

"The scene changed!"

"What scene?"

"For the cowboy movie, silly!" Lela held her hand to shade her eyes. "Look up ahead! The train is coming."

Sure enough, there was a long, smoking train snaking its way across the plain along a thin, dark track. Mack stared. "Someone's on the track!"

"That's the lady. We have to get to her first." Lela nudged her horse with her knees, racing faster. Mack was bumped and jerked on the back of her own ride. She didn't know how to ride a horse. She was going to fall off and break her neck. "Hurry!"

"Ugh," Mack said, and squeezed her knees the way Lela had. The horse jerked forward even faster, eating up terrain under its hooves like lightning. They raced down the slope of the hill, Lela leading, as the train slithered its way closer to the poor girl tied to the tracks.

Mack's brain wouldn't let that go. Who tied someone to a railroad track? If you wanted them dead in the Old West, why not shoot them, or toss them off one of these convenient canyon ledges? The railroad thing was too messy. As they got closer, she noticed what else was beside the girl.

"Dynamite? They tied her there with dynamite?" She'd studied that in chemistry class back in high school. Nobel had invented the stuff, but it sweated nitroglycerin. Just bumping it could blow the whole stack. "Lela!"

Lela kept going. Over her shoulder, she said, "You're in a movie, Mack. You're the hero, the villain, or the one tied to the railroad tracks. Time to choose."

Mack frowned. She wasn't getting herself tied to a track like some damsel in distress, and she wasn't cut out to be a villain. She groaned. Guess it was time to be a hero. "How do these things work? Giddy-up!" Her horse put on another burst of speed, flying past Lela and towards the tracks.

As she approached her target at full speed, it occurred to her that she didn't know how to make a horse stop. "Whoa?" she tried, tugging on the reins. This was a movie horse, thank goodness. It stopped, rearing up as Mack held back another scream, then docilely waited for her to dismount on her own shaky legs.

"Help!" cried the girl on the tracks.

"Really?" Mack patted her pockets and her sides, coming up with a knife in a sheath. She knelt down to the tough ropes, too aware of the noise of the train coming closer. "You could try rescuing yourself, you know."

"I can?" asked the girl.

"It'd be helpful."

Lela's horse brought her close. Lela started moving the dynamite off the tracks while Mack sawed through the ropes.

"We have to watch a better movie next time," Mack said, cutting the last rope free. She grabbed the girl's hand, yanking her to safety. The train blasted its horn at them. There were still two crates of dynamite. Lela grabbed one, and Mack grabbed the other, hoping like mad they wouldn't blow up.

As carefully as they could, they carried the crates away from the rumbling train. Even the shaking ground might be enough to set off the explosives.

The train roared by, and Mack held her breath until it was gone.

"Thank you for saving me!" The girl threw herself into Lela's arms. "You're so brave!"

"You're so sweet!" Lela said, that goofy expression on her face again. "You're welcome!"

"Evil Ed would have killed me for sure!"

Mack said, "Let me guess. You told him you wouldn't marry him."

"And that's fine," Lela said. "You should never settle for a boy who isn't right for you."

Mack thought that wasn't exactly the lesson here, but she let it go. "Where's Evil Ed now?"

She heard a click behind her that sounded a lot like a gun's safety in a bad movie. "Arms in the air, Sheriff."

Mack put up her hands and turned around. The girl squealed. Lela raised her own hands.

Mack said, "Are you the sheriff or am I?"

"I don't know," Lela said. "Maybe we're both the sheriff." She cleared her throat. "You'll never get away with it, Evil Ed!"

Evil Ed sneered, gesturing at them with his gun. "Get the dynamite. We're takin' it to the next junction, and after I blow up the train, Betsy Jane is gonna marry me."

"The hell she will," said Mack.

Mack looked at Lela, hoping she knew which part of the movie this was. Lela shrugged and said, "Mister Evil Ed, do you feel like breaking into song?"

"Heck no! Now move!"

Mack wasn't sure about movie logic or dream logic. If Evil Ed shot her, would she die in the real world? She turned and picked up a crate, and tried not to jiggle it too much.

Evil Ed sneered again. He did that a lot. He opened his mouth to speak, then fell forward onto the hard ground. Behind him, Betsy Jane held a frying pan in both hands.

"The hell I will," said Betsy Jane, then she covered her mouth from the swear.

"Gee, thanks!" said Lela. "You saved us this time."

Betsy Jane said, "You're welcome."

Mack didn't ask where Betsy Jane found a frying pan in the middle of the desert next to empty railroad tracks. Her psych prof would probably say it was some Freudian thing. "We appreciate the save." She bent down and soon tied Evil Ed's hands and feet together with his own belt. Then she stood and looked at Lela. "I've had enough of cowboy movies. Can I get back home now?"

Lela's mouth went into a pout. "You don't want to stay?" Mack wondered if she was imagining the "with me" she nearly heard at the end.

"Not here," she said. "The Old West isn't my thing."

Lela grinned with excitement. "That's fine. We don't need to stay in a cowboy movie." She took Mack's hand and pressed her fingers against the flower.

***

The world changed, and became unsteady. Mack's legs went weird. She fell into Lela's arms, and held on as a familiar smell hit her. They were by the ocean. No, on the ocean. They'd appeared on the deck of a boat, lashed by the rocking waves. Lela's clothes were different: her jeans and work shirt had been exchanged for black pants and a loose white blouse under a red corset. Mack's own clothes were the same, though her corset was brown leather.

She let go, a little embarrassed, and stood back. "Lela, what just happened?"

"Yar," said a voice close by. "And who be ye?"

Mack turned and saw a balding, bent man with a gold ring through one scarred ear. He had several friends nearby. Most of them had cutlasses in hand.

"Hi," said Mack uneasily. "We be me and my friend Lela, who didn't mention she liked pirate movies."

"Yar!" said the pirates in unison.

Bad pirate movies, Mack added mentally as Lela clapped her hands in delight. The boat rocked again. Mack lost her footing, but Lela caught her easily. "You're a surfer. This should be second nature to you."

"Surfing is not boating. Sailing. Whatever." Mack waved her arm. "And this is not real sailing."

"Sail the ocean blue!" whistled a green parrot, landing on the shoulder of the first pirate. "Sail the ocean blue! Bawk! Cap'n's a bastard! Cap'n's a bastard!"

The pirate hushed his bird quickly with a nervous laugh. "Ignore Petey. He don't know half what he says."

"Bawk! Gold's in the galley!"

"Shush. Now as I was askin', who be ye?"

"I'm Mack."

"Lela," said Lela, extending her hand. "What a fantastic boat you've got here! I love the sails!"

The pirate looked up with abashed pride. "They ain't nothin'. Now, ye knows ye can't just board our ship without permission."

"Bawk! Walk the plank!"

Mack grabbed Lela's arm. "How does this pirate movie go? Do we get fed to sharks?" Mack was not a fan of sharks except from a safe distance. Save the oceans, protect the wildlife, and keep well away from bottomless stomachs with teeth.

Lela shifted to take her hand. She was doing that a lot, Mack had noticed. "We're here to help," she said firmly.

"Ahoy! Privateers off the starboard bow!"

"Yar!" said the crew. Mack was sure real pirates never said 'yar' in their lives. These pirates made for the cannons, and steered the ship away from the other.

"Aren't they supposed to attack that ship?"

"Nay," said a running pirate. "That be Evil Ed's vessel! He's the most cutthroat buccaneer to sail the seven seas!"

Mack tugged Lela's arm. "Evil Ed? I thought he was a cowboy."

"Maybe we scared him into a life at sea?" Lela's grin was infectious. Mack had to admit this was kind of exciting, even if she was getting a bit seasick from the rocking of the ship. Lela said, "We defeated him once, we can defeat him again." 

"Betsy Jane defeated him." But even as she said it, the Captain stepped out of the stern cabin. She wore tight black pants and a flowing gown with a blue corset, and her hat was magnificent. "Hi, Betsy Jane," Mack said weakly.

The pirate captain stared at her. "Who be ye to talk so familiarly with Bonny Bess, Queen of the Sea?"

"Oh, another queen," said Lela, squeaking with excitement. "I'm Lela, Queen of the Beach! I love your outfit!" She opened her mouth, and Mack just knew she'd start singing. She clamped her hand over Lela's lips.

"No yo ho hoing right now." To Betsy Jane, er, Bonny Bess, she said, "Sorry, you look like a friend of ours. We're not here to cause trouble. We're just a little lost."

Betsy strode across the deck menacingly. "Can ye fight?" She shoved a sword into Mack's hand. "Then fight for yer wretched lives, and if we win the day, you'll take a share of the plunder, me girls!"

Mack swung the sword around with an uneasy motion. "Um."

Lela grabbed it from her hand. She made swishing, impressive, and this was important, _theatrical_ motions in the air. Betsy grinned, showing off two gold teeth. Lela said, "I'll defend you, my lady," and Betsy nodded, but Lela was looking at Mack as she said it.

Mack said to herself, "I need to get a frying pan."

"Ar!" shouted a pirate from below decks. "We be out of gunpowder!"

"Then make more!" shouted Betsy as the pursuing ship came closer. "We've got the ingredients."

"We can't!" wailed another pirate. "We tossed Booky overboard and we don't know the recipe."

"Right," said Mack. "I've got this. You do the sword stuff. I'll be mixing things." Her chem teacher in high school had mentioned something about this, right? Sulfur, charcoal, potassium nitrate. Which was also called... "Salty peter? You have that around?"

"Aye, we've got saltpeter, lass. Come on below deck."

With a quick look to Lela, who was comparing swords with Betsy, Mack climbed down. The ship rocked hard. "Ar, that was a close one!" said her guide. 

The pirates showed her their barrels while Mack tried to remember what her chem teacher had said. Without meaning to, she started singing under her breath:  
"When you want to make black powder  
And turn your enemies into chowder  
Take some sulfur, double the charcoal  
Mix them well in a giant bowl."

She found the two barrels and added what looked like equal measures of both into a third empty barrel.

"Mix that," she said to one of the pirates. "Be careful." The song came to her again:  
"Once you've got that settled weight  
Add three times potassium nitrate.  
Stir together and keep it cool,  
Or you'll detonate it like a fool."

The boat rocked from another blast as she carefully combined her ingredients.

"Thank ye, lassie," said one of the pirates. "Can ye help us load these cannons?"

"Sure," Mack said, not sure at all. This wasn't fair. She hadn't even been studying for her chemistry test, and here she was dreaming about gunpowder and pirate ships. Her lifelong hero was up above her somewhere sword-fighting while Mack was stuck down here in the dark with a bunch of men who hadn't showered in a year, spouting the very worst pirate lingo she'd ever heard.

By the time Mack made it back above decks, the fight was over. All the buckles were swashed, all the lands were lubbed. She watched one of the pirates from their ship swing over to the newly captured ship on a rope, but it wasn't much consolation.

"We win the day!" said Betsy with a triumphant wave of her sword. "Men, plunder the ship and toss anyone who doesn't surrender into the sea." She glanced at Lela with a smile that Mack didn't like much. "And an extra thanks to the lasses." Her eyes went to Mack. "You're to thank for the gunpowder?"

"Yeah, well, a little chemistry never hurt anyone," Mack said, before she noted the holes in the side of the other ship.

Lela's face lit up. "You used chemistry? What kind of reaction was it?"

"Um. Not a reaction, just a mixture. Very exothermic when we fired it though."

"That's fantastic! I loved going to chemistry class with you. It was almost as much fun as calculus."

Betsy gave Lela a strange look. "What magic be this? Are ye witches?"

"No," said Mack quickly. "I mean, nay. I mean, we're not witches. You never went to class with me."

"I did," Lela said. "It was wonderful! You showed me how interesting math and science are. I thought nothing could be as interesting as surfing." She sounded so sure. She'd also stopped paying attention to Bonny Bess, her attention entirely on Mack. Mack liked that.

"They're fun," Mack said. "You really liked calc?" Lela nodded. Mack grinned then felt herself turn green as the boat rocked.

"Witches," said Bonny Bess, but she smirked. "When ye are ready?" She indicated the other boat. The deck over there looked ever rockier than this one. Mack covered her mouth, trying to hold down her lunch.

"We should go," Lela said, handing Bess her sword. She went to Mack's side. "We'll go someplace less wobbly."

"Home," Mack said, but she had a bad feeling as Lela touched her necklace.

***

This wasn't home. Mack could see that immediately. The star field outside the window was her first clue. The blue aliens were the second. Lela waved to them. "Hi!"

One blue alien waved a tentapod or something back at her. Mack tried not to stare. She focused on Lela's clothes, now a stylish red uniform. Her own uniform was as blue as the aliens. At least the spaceship wasn't rocking like the boat had.

"Where are we?" Lela asked, delight all over her face. "Is this the future?"

"Yeah, some future." Mack looked at a shiny panel on the wall. It had buttons that looked like colored lights. "But probably not a real future. We're in a science fiction movie. Please tell me you remember the plot."

"I don't remember seeing one of those." She approached the blue aliens. "Do you like singing?"

The four aliens clustered together, turning their top pseudopods at one another like they were discussing something. Then they lined up. In four-part harmony, they sang:

"I know why we're out in deep space!  
I know why we're in this fancy place!"

One of the aliens oozed forward. In a decent tenor, he sang:

"Oh, I know what we're doing here!  
We're searching for new life forms, that is very clear!  
We've come to meet you, nice to know your name.  
Would you like to play a game?"

"Play a game!" sang his backups.

Before they could start another verse, Mack said, "Take us to your leader."

The lead singer drooped. "Fine." The quartet broke up and oozed away, gesturing with their pods for Mack and Lela to follow.

They came to the ship's bridge. A human guy who looked like a shellacked Ken doll sprawled in the captain's chair. He grinned rakishly at them. "You must be the new transfer officers. Welcome aboard!" He stood, flashing a charming smile at Lela. "I'm Captain Diering."

Mack couldn't help herself. "Your first name isn't Ed, is it?"

Diering turned to her, and Mack felt woozy at the force of his gaze. "Would you like it to be?"

"Not really," Lela said, and had his attention again. He took her hand and pecked a kiss on her knuckle. Mack stepped between them and pushed Lela away from him. She hadn't seen a lot of sci-fi movies. She wondered if they all had the extra sexual harassment or if it was just the ones Lela watched.

"Sorry," she said. "We're not staying."

A robot came onto the bridge. In a chirpy female voice, it said, "Captain, enemies spotted off the port bow!"

"Thank you, BET-C," said Diering, flinging himself back into his chair. "Weapons on full power."

"Yes, Captain," said one of the blue tentacle aliens.

"Take these," said another blue alien, handing laser blasters to Mack and Lela. "If we are boarded, you must defend the ship."

"Thanks," Lela said. Mack shoved hers into the holster on her uniform belt. She took Lela's hand.

"Let's get our heads down somewhere." They left the bridge as the ship was rocked by laser fire. Lela watched around them with wide-eyed interest as they passed through corridors filled with humans and aliens dressed much as they were. The ship rocked again with another blast. Alarms sounded.

They passed an airlock looking out into space. Another ship was approaching, firing green bolts of energy their way. "This future is so interesting!"

"It's not real," Mack said, resting against a wall. "None of these places are real. We're jumping through movies. You're from a movie. You're not real, either."

Lela's interest shifted from the glowy panels to Mack, and she frowned. "Mack, just because something is in a movie doesn't mean it isn't also real."

"That's exactly what it means." She rubbed her head. "I don't know why I keep dreaming about you."

"Maybe you aren't. Maybe I'm dreaming about you."

Mack had a sudden, strange, familiar feeling: the same sense of longing she'd felt around Brady. Except this time, she wasn't sad.

"Lela, you keep saying things I don't understand. I'm sorry. I wish I did."

The ship rocked hard, tossing them against each other as the overhead comm said, "Red alert! Prepare to be boarded!"

They heard a hiss from the next corridor over. Lela readied her laser gun. Reluctantly, Mack reached for her own as they headed towards the noise. Other crewmembers lay stunned on the floor. A tall, sneering, purple and green alien stood in the middle of the corridor, a blaster in each of his four hands. He looked like a Star Wars reject but she recognized his face under all the extra makeup.

Mack sighed. "Hi, Ed."

Evil Ed the Alien pointed his lasers at them. "I claim this vessel in the name of the Thsis'alngnme Empire! Surrender or die!"

Mack had an idea. She raised her hands. "We surrender." She nudged Lela with her elbow. Lela looked at her, but Mack nodded.

Lela dropped her laser gun and raised her own hands. "That's right. We surrender."

Evil Ed sneered again. Mack wondered if he had any other expressions. "So ends the weak human federation. Take me to the bridge."

"Right this way, Evil Ed," said Mack. She walked back the way they'd come, away from the hurt crewmembers and around a corner. There were automatic walls all along the hallways, she'd noticed, probably there to slam shut during an emergency.

"This reminds me of a song," Mack said to Lela in a high, pleasant tone. She sang:

"When you're feeling sad and lonely,  
Like some forgotten scared rock,  
Chin up and remember  
You can throw the villain out the airlock!"

She slammed her right hand onto the airlock controls as she grabbed Lela with her left. Both doors opened, blowing the three of them into space. As she spun, Mack saw the door at the end of the corridor slam down, keeping the rest of the ship safe.

She'd wondered what her dream would make of this, and the answer was that she was colder beyond her ability to feel, to think. No heat, no air, no hope of rescue. This was her brain drowning in the library, cold under the water. Her dying thoughts had given her a vision of Lela from the movie, the most beautiful girl Mack had ever seen, and the heroine who had shaped her life. Not a great way to go, but not a bad note to go out on.

Evil Ed the Alien floated past them in the vacuum. Mack barely noticed. She was going to die. She pulled Lela closer to her, meeting her eyes. She wondered if it was the lack of oxygen that made her want to tug her close and kiss her goodbye.

Lela squeezed Mack's hand, and brought her own to touch the flower necklace.

***

They collapsed onto a concrete floor, Mack gasping air into her lungs. She was still cold, but a warm flush lit her cheeks as she remembered the last thing she'd thought in space. Lela was the heroine of a '60s surfer flick with a cute, dim, definitely male love interest. Even if Mack was attracted to other girls, Lela would hardly be interested back. Her psych prof would have plenty to say.

"That was brilliant!" said Lela.

"Yeah. Let's never do that again."

She looked at Lela, who was dressed in a tight, black suit that matched the one Mack now wore. She sighed. They weren't home yet.

***

They survived the spy movie, playing a game of cat and mouse against Ed, winding up in a showdown shootout which ended when Betsy led the Feds to their position. Lela went to fight a dragon in the fantasy movie, and instead made friends with it by singing about the power of friendship. They flew on its back, soaring over a verdant fantasyland as Mack kept her eyes shut tight and tried not to scream. They ran from Ed the werewolf while Betsy staked a vampire. They ended the buddy cop movie by crashing into a wall.

***

Mack had been sitting in her police cruiser, hands clinging to the wheel as she lost control of the vehicle, Lela desperately reaching for the necklace. Now she sat at a kitschy, sticker-covered table, her hands gripping a big, warm mug. She sniffed the liquid inside and took a drink, enjoying the hot chocolatey coffee. In the fantasy movie, they'd been fed giant platters of bread, honey, and cream. In the horror film, they'd eaten thin cookies Lela called ladyfingers. This coffee was much better than the stale brew from the police station in the last movie, and she didn't care that it wasn't real.

"So what do you think?"

She looked up. Betsy sat across from her at the table. Her blonde ringlets were pulled back in a cute ponytail. Mack glanced around the room. This set looked like an ordinary coffee shop, filled with ordinary people. But something was wrong. Someone was missing.

She turned back to Betsy. "Where's Lela?"

Betsy gave her a withering look. "Are you joking?"

Mack got to her feet. Her heart raced in a way she didn't like. This was another jump, another dream, but Lela wasn't here, and that twisted her stomach, made her palms clammy and her chest tight. "Betsy, I need to talk to Lela."

"You haven't spoken to her in weeks. The wedding is today."

"Whose wedding?"

Betsy rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone. She clicked on an Evite: "You are cordially invited to the union of Lela Avery Dean and Edward T. Lewis." Mack had no idea what day it was, but she was grimly positive the date on the invitation was today, and she didn't even have to look at her watch to know the time.

Right. Romantic comedy. This one had been pulled from Mack's extensive movie watching. All she had to do was remember the plot, and she'd find Lela. Now, if they were in the coffee shop the day of the wedding, Mack must be the heroine who still carried feelings for her ex.

She had a lot of feelings right now. She didn't want to examine them too closely as she said, "I have to go. How do I get there?"

"The church is all the way across town and the wedding starts in three minutes. You'll never make it in time." She sighed. "After that argument you had with Lela, you specifically told me you wanted to be away from everything and not think about them. That's why we came to this coffee shop."

"I changed my mind." Mack went out on a limb. "My best friend would help me make it."

Betsy gave her another look. Then she grabbed her car keys. "Let's go."

Mack was unsurprised that the radio in the car started up a love song as they screeched out into traffic. After her adventures though cinema with Lela, she also wasn't surprised at the sudden scene change, dropping them behind a long train, and another change as they pulled up in front of the huge church, which sat at the edge of a serene lake "Thanks," she said to Betsy. "I appreciate this more than you can possibly know."

"Anything for a friend."

Mack paused, halfway out of the car, doubt seizing her. "I don't even know why I'm here. She's not real. None of this is real."

"Mack?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you believe in love?"

Her suspicion was correct. She'd landed in a romcom. There was nowhere else she'd be asked that question seriously, and only one possible correct answer. "Yes."

"If you took this whole planet and ground it down to a fine powder, you wouldn't find a single atom of love. But it's real. That's what matters. Now get your butt in there." Betsy slammed the car door from inside and drove away. Mack ran up the stairs to the church and let herself inside.

Naturally, she stepped in just as the preacher asked, "If anyone present knows some reason these two should not be joined as husband and wife, speak now or forever hold your peace." Mack had seen a lot of movies over the years. Her timing wouldn't have allowed her to arrive at any other possible point in the film even if she'd been caught at a dozen train tracks. She knew her line.

In a firm voice, Mack said, "Stop the wedding. I object."

"On what grounds?" asked the preacher.

The bride and groom turned. So did their friends and family. For the first time since this bizarre dream had started, Mack recognized the other faces in the crowd. Brady sat there, along with Alyssa and Devon. Lela's friends from "Lela, Queen of the Beach" sat on her side. Butchy looked like he'd been crying. They all wore nice suits and dresses. Chee Chee wore a red dress, and her hair piled high on her head. Giggles wore a tight gold number that made her look even more stunning than usual. Alyssa wore a smart, neat suit. They were all dressed to the nines. Even Evil Ed didn't look half bad in a tux.

Mack was aware that her current clothes were what she wore all the time back at school: faded jeans, a dolphin t-shirt that had seen better days. But Lela … Lela stood in the front of the church, breathtaking in a lacy white gown off her shoulders, with a train that followed her halfway down the aisle, and small white flowers woven into her long hair. Everything was perfect except for the girl standing there in objection. Mack was out of place here, ruining Lela's big day. She should leave.

"Sorry," she said in a small, defeated voice.

Lela's face lit up. "Mack!" Without a look back, she turned away from Ed and hurried down the aisle to take Mack's hands. "You came."

"Are you the real Lela? Or are you some Lela in this movie?"

"I'm always real, Mack." She brushed Mack's hair away from her face. "Even when I'm in my movie, I'm real. I wish I could make you believe me."

"I want to believe you, Lela. You said I was in your other movie, then you came into my world to find me again." Mack shook her head. "None of that makes sense. Movies aren't reality. You can't travel in and out of a movie. None of this is real."

"I read in your philosophy textbook that reality is the shared experience of perception. I see you. I hear you." She squeezed Mack's hand, and Mack felt the warmth of their palms clasped together. "I can touch you." She sang:

"You're as real as the warm summer wind.  
You're as real as the spray on the sea.  
You're as real as the sun in the sky.  
And I'm as real as you need me to be.  
You're as real as the truth in my soul.  
You're as real as the dreams that I see.  
You're as real as the song in my heart.  
And I'm as real as you need me to be."

Mack looked at Lela. "We met inside another movie, one I don't even remember."

"Yes."

"And you came out of the movie to find me after, and when you went back, you created 'Lela, Queen of the Beach' to take its place because of me."

"Yes."

"And you brought me here." Mack laughed in a low, surprised voice. "To live with you through all these other movies. You did this all for me."

"Yes. I'd go anywhere with you."

She knew which movie genre she was in, and now she knew why she was in this movie, in this scene. Why Lela couldn't marry Ed. "Because you love me."

Lela had the best smile Mack had ever seen. She leaned in close, and whispered, "Yes," and she kissed her. Her mouth was sweet and soft and perfect, everything Mack had ever dreamed about in a kiss. Lela's hands reached up to cradle Mack's face, brushing the flower necklace as she did.

***

Mack woke up in darkness, her neck sore and her back aching.

She sat up, her vision adjusting to the low light. She heard water splashing nearby, and turned to see the silver abstract fountain sculpture, still flowing in the university library after hours. Her bag and her water bottle sat nearly next to her on the floor. The lights were off save for the emergency lights that always stayed on. The staff was gone and the doors were shut. A few experimental pushes found the one safety door that opened from the inside. Mack heard it lock behind her as she stepped outside into the chilly night.

Mack shivered, noticing that her hair was still damp from falling into the fountain. Had someone pulled her out? Why had they left her there on the floor with her things?

She had so many questions. Her mind replayed images from the vivid dream she'd had while unconscious: a jumping, nonsense playlist of all the bad movies she'd watched growing up. But someone familiar had been with her. A friend.

Her lips tingled. She told herself it was the cold night air.

By the time she got back to her dorm room, she had dismissed the whole thing. Claire was already in bed and snoring, and Mack wasn't about to wake her to tell her about it. She must have fallen asleep at her work table and dreamed it all, including falling into the fountain Why had she been on the floor? She decided she didn't want to know. She was fine. She hadn't been hurt in any way that she could tell except mild pain in her head. Exhaustion. She was stressed out, and she'd fallen asleep at the library from overwork, and she'd had a quirky dream about a beautiful girl. That was all.

It was only when she went to get her pajamas on that Mack noticed her necklace was gone. She fumbled for it, checking her pockets and bag forlornly. She must have dropped it at the library. She could go check in the morning. There was no need for her to be overcome with a sudden grief she couldn't explain, and absolutely no need at all to sob quietly into her pillow until she drifted off.

But that's what she did.

***

Mack dragged herself to breakfast in the morning before Claire was awake. Despite her mild headache, she went to her classes. The calc test was hard but manageable. She could barely keep her mouth shut in her psych class. Her history class was covering the Old West this week, which for some reason was very funny to her. The paper her history prof assigned was less funny. Back to the library, she thought, and she had a stray thought about the sparkling fountain, and a half-barrel filled with standing water for the horses.

Out of habit, she kept reaching for her necklace all day, and every time, it wasn't there. She stopped by the library during a break. No one had turned it in, nor could she find it anywhere, not even peering over the edge of the fountain in a vain hope that she'd somehow dropped it into the water.

"Sorry," said the librarian on duty. "Was it sentimental?"

"Yeah." She couldn't say why her throat was so tight, or why she was so sad at the thought of never seeing it again. She'd found the necklace a few weeks ago. It shouldn't matter this much. "Thanks."

She finally got back to her room after dinner. Claire was already at her computer, studying. "I was wondering when you'd get in."

"Yeah, sorry. I stayed out pretty late last night. I think I aced the calc test, though." A voice inside her head said, _"It was almost as much fun as calculus."_ Mack blinked, clearing away the odd thought.

Claire sighed dramatically. "I suppose that's a good enough reason to skip watching the movie. I could put it on as background while we study tonight."

She'd dreamed about Lela all last night. Part of her wasn't ready to watch Lela in her movie, going through her life, making her way and romancing silly old Tanner. Part of her longed to do nothing else but watch "Lela, Queen of the Beach" over and over the way she had after Mom had died. "Sure. That'd be great."

Claire grinned and pulled up the torrent file. Mack felt herself relax as the first notes of the opening song started to play. But something was wrong. Everyone was getting out of the car. There was the humorously long surfboard. There was Tanner, looking handsome for the camera before turning around to offer his hand. Mack knew this all by heart.

But the girl getting out of the car had blonde hair, and the singers weren't singing the right words.

"Ooo, Betsy, Queen of the Beach, Queen of the Beach!"

Mack watched, her mouth open.

Claire said, "It's a high quality video. I haven't seen a print this good in years."

Betsy was surrounded by the others, putting on a hot pink jacket, and singing about a fresh breeze heading down the beach as she made her own destiny.

Mack sank down on her bed and watched, unable to look away. Most of the movie stayed the same, although she noted different touches here and there. For once thing, "Lela, Queen of the Beach" did have a subplot with the evil developer who wanted Big Momma to sell, but this version added a second villain who hated the surfers and bikers for his own reasons. When Betsy turned the tables on him and sent Ed off with a lit stick of dynamite, Mack laughed out loud.

"You have seen this before, right?"

"Every time I do, it's like a brand new movie." But as the closing credits rolled, and Mack got closer to see the names of the new actors, she realized Lela hadn't appeared at all, not even as a background character. That made no sense. "Lela, Queen of the Beach" had been Mack's favorite movie her entire life. But where was her favorite character and idol? Had she somehow managed to dream up an alternate version of this movie starring a pretty girl with dark hair and convince herself it had all been real?

There was a knock on their door. Shruti, the RA for their floor, came in. "Sorry to bother you. We've got a new resident who just transferred in. Can you two come say hi and welcome her to Gray Hall?"

"Now we're the welcome committee too?" Mack asked, but she was already on her feet, and followed Shruti to what had been the empty room two doors down.

"Hey," Shruti said, knocking on the open door frame. "Claire and Mack, say hi to Lela."

Mack froze and stared. She watched Lela turn from where she'd been putting away her books. She wore jeans and a t-shirt, and her feet were bare. Around her neck was a familiar necklace with a tropical flower. Her hair was down, framing her face, and she was twice as beautiful as Mack remembered.

"Hi!" said Claire.

"Nice to meet you," said Lela, but her eyes were on Mack. She held out her hand, and Mack took it. "I'm Lela." She squeezed.

"I'm Mack." The words were hard to get out around the lump in her throat. "Welcome to the dorm."

Shruti said, "We prefer to call it a residence hall," with a weary patience that told of having had this drilled into her head by the RA Council.

"Right, residence hall," said Mack agreeably. "Why don't I help you settle in?"

"I'd like that." They kept staring at each other. Lela wore a secretive smile.

"I can help, too," said Claire.

"Claire," Mack said to her roommate without turning, "you've got that test tomorrow."

"I guess you're right. Nice to meet you, Lela."

The moment they were gone and the door shut, Mack said, "How?"

"The movies could change. Betsy didn't want to be tied to any more railroad tracks. She wanted to spend her life on the beach." Lela gave a little shiver. "I wanted to spend mine with you. We talked, and we decided to change our destinies."

"You're real. Really real."

"Always have been."

Mack sang:

"You're as real as the truth in my soul.  
You're as real as the dreams that I see.  
You're as real as the song in my heart.  
This is real as we need it to be."

"Mack … "

But Mack had already stepped to her and embraced her, tears falling as Lela's arms came around her and held her back, held her tight, held her forever.


End file.
